Today is a ‘Bad Focus’ day.

I’ve been spiraling for well over a week now. To cope I’ve thrown myself into writing my fourth book, going out for a walk and incorporating meatless meals to the dinner rotation. Oh, and I’m counting ounces to make sure I am drinking enough water. I’m actually using my Fitbit for more than just a watch!

Man being silly with lettuce.

So…. WHY THE HELL AM I STILL SPIRALING?!

I constantly preach about self-awareness and how it’s the most pivotal step when it comes to healing emotionally. So what happens when all of your coping mechanisms aren’t helping? This is when I advocate for therapy and how chemical balancing medications do, in fact, work.

Sadly, I cannot afford therapy or medications quite yet…. (American healthcare SUCK) Luckily though, I feel comfortably above the churning waters of depression. Although I am feeling the proverbial tug at my toes into the abyss, I am just waiting it out. Impatiently… but waiting nonetheless. It’s false spring in my part of North Carolina so I’m pulling all the happiness I can from the sun, warm air and my summer playlist. I’m keeping my head down and focusing on my coping mechanisms. I know they work for me, so they will work for me. Some healing just takes longer than others. Especially when you can’t tackle a reason for why you’re feeling so negatively.

Think of your successfully proven coping mechanisms as band-aids and bacitracin. Sometimes it’s a small cut that heals overnight, other times you need to redress the wound and nurture the wound for weeks. It’s always looking better, but not quite healed all the way yet. The techniques are working just not instantaneously.

Youre doing the healing work and thats beautiful.

Putting in the effort for your mental health is the point of healing that we all aspire for. I recently watched Mom in it’s entirety and the AA steps for healing can apply to mental health all the way. I have just adjusted them and took all that religious talk out. Dealing with depression is a every day battle and we need to approach as an on-going part of us that will never go away but can be managed if we maintain helpful habits.

These steps are as follows:

Depression Recovery as an AA 12 Step program

1. We admitted we were powerless over depression and the chemical imbalance in our brains — that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that through self-awareness, medical intervention and/or seeking help beyond ourselves could restore us to being a functional neutral mindset in society.

3. Decided to take responsibility for our actions and learn from our past mistakes because we care for ourselves and humanity.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to ourselves, the universe and to other human beings the exact nature of what it takes to cope with our depression and/or neurodivergence.

6. We’re entirely ready to harness the power within ourselves to treat and properly manage all these neurodivergent habits of our character.

7. Humbly ask those around us to respect our shortcomings when we are drowning emotionally so we can do the same for those around us in the future.

8. Made a list of all of our coping mechanisms and any medications that would enable us to be in a functional neutral mindset in society.

9. Established boundaries and excommunicated those around us that don’t respect our boundaries, coping mechanisms and general well being.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we’re feeling depressed or out of control we accepted the resources to enable help.

11. Sought through self-awareness, established boundaries and/or medication to improve our mental mindset. With these steps in mind we know that without taking care of ourselves first we cannot help those around us when they are in need.

12. Having had clarity of mind as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other depressed and/or neurodivergent individuals, and to practice these principles in all our circumstances.

Hi, I’m Beth and I suffer from depression, general anxiety, social anxiety and have undiagnosed ADD.

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